d33tached | maskormenace

[D33 doesn't know how to respond. It's true. As usual, as always, what Shinigami is saying is true. And that only serves to make this entire situation all the more frustrating. This same feeling of helplessness that he's never been able to escape - that he never will escape. It's enough to put him at a breaking point, to have him shouting in his room and throwing his communicator. Losing control, as it has been pointed out one too many times that he is so prone to doing. Being human, feeling emotions that underground had been so easy to numb.

[It could be worse, it could always be worse, and yet here his wishing for the first time in his life that things could simply be better. It's an emotion, like most, that he is not familiar with. And it's frightening. Overwhelming. Infuriating.

["I just want to go home," he thinks. And then it hits him for the thousandth time - he doesn't have one. He never has.]

I don't know what to say.

[Even his own response frustrates him, but what can he say? Nothing makes sense anymore. He's trying. He's really trying. But it's not enough, is it?

[And then, after a moment, after his little tantrum has ended, he remembers that it wasn't until he was brought here that he was ever one to wallow in self-pity. And so, somewhat ashamed, he adds:]

What do you suppose can be done?

It's the enemy that all imPorts have faced. Since the City.

We're our own worst enemies- our own fear and helplessness. It's what drives us to make the wrong choices. And those choice, in turn, hurt everyone around us. Including the natives.

But most don't think about them. [Duo closes his eyes, then, thinks about the faces of the people he works with. Thinks about how all of them existed, and will continue to exist in this place, helpless, after he's Ported out.]

The most important thing to do for any of us is to understand one another. But it's difficult to draw understanding between people who all come from vastly different contexts. All we can do is try.

[This to someone who has difficulty understanding anyone including - especially, even - himself. How might one begin to understand concepts such as compassion and kindness when they have never experienced such a thing themselves? There's a reason that he asks all of the questions that he does - because he doesn't understand. But he does want to. Even if this is the first time admitting so, even to himself, of course he wants to understand. How is he to survive without doing so? Better yet, how is he to live?]

I would like to try.

[Admitting so feels like a defeat for D33 - a reveal of his own weakness. After all, to feel is to be weak, isn't it? He wonders briefly if Shinigami will find a way to taunt him for it, to throw it back in his face what a fool he is. He can practically hear the voice in his head muttering, "Pathetic," in disgust - even if it isn't Shinigami's. But what's said is said, and there's no taking it back now. Better yet, what he's said is true. Perhaps its his own honesty that is the most terrifying. Speaking genuinely without any ulterior motive.]

[Is that... relief that Duo feels in reading that? Well, it's not that he thought, by this point, that the kid wasn't set on the right path. But it's always good to know for sure...]

Glad to read it. Hey, at least you can say you're not the one being foolish this time, huh?

[Okay, he'll tease- but only in the opposite direction.]

The easiest way to find understanding in other people is to see the ways we're similar, rather than the ways we're different. That and to forgive them their fear. We should walk the paths and fight the battles that we think are right, but fear and anger should never be vehicles for those battles. That's what I think.

What do you think, D33?

[What does he think? D33 is entirely unprepared for the question. It's likely one that he's never actually been asked before by anyone. His opinion had never mattered before. More often than not, he hadn't even bothered to have one - at least, not when it came to "wrong" or "right". As much as he is loath to admit so, that is just one more concept that he has no grasp of.

[Collecting information and identifying patterns - similarities. That he can do. Understand and forgive them their fear - he's familiar enough with it to at least consider the emotions of others, even if he might not be able to force himself to care. Not allowing his fear and anger, the only two emotions that he has any familiarity with, control his actions - now, that one will be a bit more of a challenge.

[What he can recognize, though, is that neither of them have ever served him well as far as determining his actions. They were always weaknesses in their own rights. Three out of four of the concepts Duo is offering isn't so bad, right? Even so, if he knows not what he considers to be right, then he knows not what he's battling for in the first place.]

As I am sure you have observed, Shinigami, my sense of morality does not typically much up with that of the other ImPorts. [Of other human beings in general, in fact.] Though my interest remains largely in my own survival, I believe I can recognize that, in this world, I will not be able to attain such a goal alone.

[Is...that the right answer? That's what he thinks. That's the conclusion he's come to. At least...he's pretty sure it is.]

I recognize as well that I cannot expect to obtain the help of others should I not have something to offer them myself.

I suppose, in that case, that I might focus on building further connections with those that I am forced to commiserate with in this world.

[Rome wasn't built in a day, okay? He's trying.]

Edited 2017-08-28 02:24 (UTC)

We're a herd species, kid. Needing to depend on one another is in our DNA.

Well, you're getting there. Continue what you're doing. As long as you follow the impulses that lead you to protect and aid others you care for, you can't really go wrong.

[Well. That was a bit of an oversimplification, too... But there was always another time. He had enough to chew on already.]

[Speaking of...] Didn't get hit too bad by all that vandalism, huh? Just the coffee shop?

Edited 2017-08-28 02:34 (UTC)

[Ah. The Café. Speaking of impulses to protect and aid others. And just when you were starting to calm him down. He tries to suppress the anger boiling again in his chest as he types his response.]

My home was unaffected.

I would rather not speak about the Café at this current moment.

That bad, huh.

[Not surprising considering who-- what the proprietor was, but.]

Need help over there?

I and the others have already taken care of the situation.

We will be opening again soon, I suspect.

[And you didn't even have to lead him to helping out that time, did you, Duo?]

[Well, it is your job, Deedee...]

Sounds good! I'll plan to be by.

(By 'take care of' you don't mean, you know, the guys that did it?)

[._.]

The perpetrators were not harmed.

[Partially because D33 doesn't know who they are and wasn't there when the vandalism occurred. Of course, now that they've been over the whole not letting fear and anger guide your actions thing, he probably (probably) won't be looking into "taking care of them" in the way that Duo is implying after all.

[Kaneki wouldn't want him to anyway.]

We simply put the Café back in order.

Look I'm just making sure what with your penchant for knives, okay?

[Phew. Thank God he got to him before that; Duo figures Kaneki didn't seem the type to want revenge anyway. But then, who was ballsy enough to hit the cannibal?]

[._.]

You must think you're quite funny, don't you?

I'm fuckin' hilarious.

[._.]

Goodbye, Father Maxwell.

Edited 2017-08-30 22:56 (UTC)

Take care, kiddo!

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