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[hellrisen02]

Back to the usual?

[d33tached]

It would appear so.

[hellrisen02]

What's the damage? Need any help wiping things?

[d33tached]

All correspondence involving the sharing of personal information was done privately.

The situation is under control, as far as I can tell.

[Somehow, that doesn't make him feel any better, though.]

[hellrisen02]

So you're either lucky, or got common sense even without knowing better.

Either is pretty good.

How are you feeling?

[Physically, mentally, about oneself...]

[d33tached]

I don't particularly feel like discussing this right now.

[So, that would be a hard "bad".]

[hellrisen02]

[Ah.]

If it makes you feel any better (and I doubt it does from a jerk like me), I like it better to know you how you are than how you could have been.

Do you wish you remained that way?

[d33tached]

[It means something, though D33 can't be quite sure what.]

Remained what way?

[Without 20 years of trauma weighing on his shoulders? Even he would have a hard time denying the appeal. But he had been a fool, in that state. Naive, over-trusting, unsafe.

[Even so.]

I was a fool.

[hellrisen02]

You were a little naive, maybe. Unhindered. That isn't a bad thing to be.

It's just a bad place to be in when you're normally mired in other things.

But it's also not a bad thing to make the most of the hand you're dealt in life, either. You seem to be doing a decent job at that. It'd be a shame for all that to be erased for a false sense of peace, don't you think?

[d33tached]

[False it was - as always, Shinigami makes a fair point. But that didn't make it any less blissful.

[There's a picture of him on Kaneki's phone now - smiling. And he can't even recognize himself when he looks at it.]

Foolish as it may be, Shinigami, I suppose it would suffice to say that there are certain things which I would not object to being erased.

[hellrisen02]

Don't we all

[A great many things- sheesh, didn't he know it?]

But that's who you are. The things that sculpt us might have been unpleasant, but I wouldn't rather be anyone else. And there are things about me that I wouldn't ever want to forget, even if it's because of something terrible.

[Compassion, kindness, sympathy- without the pain he'd experienced, where would he be? He doesn't know, and he doesn't really want to.]

I'm me, you're you. That guy could have been you, but he's not. That's all there is to it. It's a good philosophy to have in a place where alternate versions of yourself could show up, don't you think?

[d33tached]

[God, he cannot even entertain the idea of alternate D33s showing up right now.

[As for who he is-- Well, that's really nothing, isn't it? Maybe Duo had had experiences that had shaped his life into something worth having. But D33 had never had a life. Now that he has the chance at one, it seems that all he's done is fumble around and make a fool out of himself time and time again.

[He was never meant to be someone. And contrary to what Shinigami has said, if he had the choice, he would probably rather be anyone else but D-thirty-three right now.]

Yes, I suppose you're right.

There's nothing to be done about it.

[Voice]

[hellrisen02]

[Duo sighs. He gets the sense that talking isn't really helping, here...]

[Well. Maybe that's it, isn't it? So he switches voice on.]

When I can hear you sulking over text, I know it's real bad.

Look, possibilities are great and all that, but the connections we make with others... Those wouldn't be possible if we weren't ourselves. We might be shit, but shouldn't you give the people that've chosen to stick by you for who you are a little more credit?

[d33tached]

[It takes D33 a moment to respond (he's a little confused as to why Shinigami has switched to voice, but he won't mention that). There's that topic of "friends" again. When it comes to that, D33 really doesn't--]

I don't understand it.

[He's not being self-deprecating, really - it's just a fact. Why anyone would ever want to hang out with him is beyond him and always has been. It's not the same as it was underground where he was feared and respected - not that he preferred that status by any stretch of the imagination.

[But people like Archie and Kaneki? He really doesn't get it. And it's even harder to grasp now that he is realizing firsthand just how miserable of a person he really is.]

[hellrisen02]

You don't gotta.

[His voice goes just a little gentler, puffing out a quiet sigh.] If you spend all your time agonizing over what people see in ya, you're never gonna have the time to appreciate their company for what it is.

[Protecting people from yourself, from what you were- yeah, he knew plenty about that. And he knew plenty about regretting it.]

Don't get so wrapped up in yourself.

[d33tached]

[It's easier said than done - surely Shinigami must know that, D33 thinks. But what he's saying makes sense all the same. The only way D33 had been able to relax enough to accept Kaneki was by simply Not Thinking About It. And he would have regretted doing so, had it ruined what he has now. Even D33 can admit that.

[To himself, anyway. But there's still a mental block there that's hard to get over, even with Shinigami's advice.]

I must say, Shinigami, that this advice is a bit unexpected coming from you.

I didn't think you to care about such things.

[hellrisen02]

[There's a vaguely bitter laugh at that, mostly deflated.]

What's that supposed to mean? I give you all sorts of bullshit advice.

[d33tached]

[Okay. Fair, but.]

Nevermind it.

I simply wasn't aware that you concerned yourself with my personal relationships.

[Despite them like totally having gone over this two months ago. "Herd species" and whatnot.]

[hellrisen02]

I won't, but nice try!

I'm a nosy busybody. I concern myself with everyone's relationships. But 'specially my pals'. Like you.

[Duo just rolls his eyes to himself. Yeah, they'd gone over this before, but... One little chat never made those feelings just go away, Duo knew that. Reassurances were good things to have.]

[d33tached]

[Hold up. Rewind.

[What did Shinigami just call him?]

Do you consider me to be a friend of yours, Shinigami?

[This is, somehow, the most shocking development of them all.]

[hellrisen02]

You're a real piece of work. [Snort] Yeah, kid. You're a buddy of mine- and I always look out for my buddies.

I won't ask the same of you, if that's not your thing. Don't worry.

[d33tached]

[...]

I didn't know.

[hellrisen02]

Sheesh.

Well, now ya do. So, whatcha gonna do about it?

[d33tached]

[Uhhh...]

Is there something that you would like me to do?

[He's bad at this.]

[hellrisen02]

[Pause]

Yanno what, don't worry about it.

--Actually, there's one thing you could do for me: don't worry about why you're my friend.

Think you can do that?